15 July 2025

Twelve years ago, Joy Ham and her husband Peter found themselves facing a life they hadn’t anticipated: living with prostate cancer.

Peter had been diagnosed with Stage 3 prostate cancer, and although his PSA levels were low and incontinence wasn’t an issue, the emotional toll of treatment was significant.

“The hardest part wasn’t always the medical stuff,” Joy says. “It was the emotional impact for Peter, and for me.”

Referred by Peter’s urologist, the couple joined their local Prostate Cancer Support Group at Moreton Bay in Queensland. It was a small group then, with just a few people turning up each month. But even in those early days, the power of connection was clear.

“I quickly realised that while the men were getting support, the partners needed it just as much,” Joy explains.

“You can talk to your friends, but unless they’ve been through it, they don’t really understand. It’s hard to talk about things like mood swings, erectile dysfunction (ED), or how the whole experience affects your relationship. That’s not exactly lunch conversation.”

Out of that need, Joy helped spark a new tradition: a regular ladies' morning tea where partners could talk openly, share their experiences, and support one another.

Today, these catch-ups attract between six and twelve women each month. Over the years, they’ve added mixed picnics, lunches, breakfasts, and a Christmas get-together to the calendar.

The ladies’ morning tea complements the main Moreton Bay Support Group, which meets monthly on the second Thursday. Guest speakers cover a range of topics related to prostate cancer, treatments, mental health, and well-being.

For Joy, one of the most valuable aspects of the group is the way people lift each other up, particularly in tough times.

“If someone’s partner is starting radiation and they’re full of questions, we’ll connect them with someone else who’s just been through it. It’s such a relief to talk to someone who gets it. It helps you feel less alone,” she says.

Peter’s journey has had its ups and downs, too. While he’s now considered in remission, the battle with ED has taken a toll on his mental health, leading to a long struggle with depression.

“There were times when he’d just shut down — he wouldn’t talk for days. It took a while to get help, but he’s on medication now, and it’s made a huge difference,” Joy says.

“We still go to the group because we need that support too, and because there’s always someone new coming through who needs a hand.”

The community Joy has built through the support group has become a vital part of her life.

“I’ve made some really beautiful friendships and met some wonderful women I never would’ve met otherwise. The knowledge in the group is incredible. One lady, Alison, is like a walking encyclopedia. If you have a question, she has got the answer!”

Joy’s message for others just starting the journey is simple: don’t do it alone.

“Find a support group for your partner, of course, but for yourself, too.

“We’ve got couples who travel from Bribie and Runcorn to join us here in North Lakes. That’s how much it means. It’s important to talk to someone who knows what you’re going through.

“It helps you breathe again.”

Joy’s story is a powerful reminder that while prostate cancer affects men, it touches the lives of everyone around them. With compassion, connection, and a little morning tea, no one has to face it alone.

To find a Prostate Cancer Support Group near you, please visit: https://www.pcfa.org.au/support/find-a-support-group/